{"id":170,"date":"2016-03-01T12:40:29","date_gmt":"2016-03-01T10:40:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/?p=170"},"modified":"2016-03-01T12:40:29","modified_gmt":"2016-03-01T10:40:29","slug":"susmak-da-bir-secimdir-bir-sey-soylemek-de","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/index.php\/2016\/03\/01\/susmak-da-bir-secimdir-bir-sey-soylemek-de\/","title":{"rendered":"Susmak da bir se\u00e7imdir, bir \u015fey s\u00f6ylemek de"},"content":{"rendered":"

Hepsinin arkas\u0131nda durmak gerekir. Aya\u011fa kalkmak i\u00e7in birilerinin \u00f6n\u00fcn\u00fc kapatmay\u0131, omlet yapmak i\u00e7in birka\u00e7 yumurta k\u0131rmay\u0131 g\u00f6ze almak gerekir. Laf uzar gider, kesmeyi bilmek gerekir.<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

…Oysa ben, her \u015fey ba\u015fka t\u00fcrl\u00fc olacak sanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Hayallerimin b\u00fcy\u00fcyerek hayat\u0131m\u0131 kaplayaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131, kom\u015fuda, gazetede, k\u00f6t\u00fc an\u0131larda olan fenal\u0131klar\u0131n -elbette!- hep ba\u015fkalar\u0131na olaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131, hep uzaklarda kalaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 sanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Bunu anlam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m yani, hayat denilen \u015feyden. Oyunu hi\u00e7 anlamam\u0131\u015f\u0131m me\u011fer, adam gibi dinlememi\u015fim, \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m yerden gelmi\u015f. Her \u015fey olup bitiveriyormu\u015f, Dur hele bi… diyene kadar. 36 ya\u015f\u0131ma geldim. Ama ya hani o… Sanki b\u00f6yle de\u011fil de… Ne yapmal\u0131 \u015fimdi? Hakim bey, yanl\u0131\u015f anlama olmu\u015f, ba\u015ftan alsak. Hakim bey, bunu saymasak, tekrar ba\u015flasak. Hakim bey, usul y\u00f6n\u00fcnden itiraz\u0131m olacakt\u0131… \u015eimdi anlad\u0131m \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc, kusura bakmay\u0131n, baya\u011f\u0131 bir numaralar varm\u0131\u015f i\u015fin i\u00e7inde, tekrar al\u0131nca kesin becerece\u011fim bu i\u015fi. Richard gibi, kendimi pencereden a\u015fa\u011f\u0131 b\u0131rakmadan \u00f6nce, \u201cI\u2019ve failed,\u201d demeyece\u011fim…<\/p>\n

\u201cben nerede do\u011fdum anne \/ nerelerde kald\u0131 bedenim \/ topra\u011f\u0131mdan, r\u00fczgar\u0131mdan beni kim \u00e7ald\u0131… \/ kocaman bir gelecekten beni kim \u00e7ald\u0131?\u201d*<\/em><\/p>\n

…da denilebilirdi ama o halde var olan mevcut olan hayat\u0131m\u0131 bir s\u00fcpr\u00fcnt\u00fc olarak atmam gerekirdi yo hay\u0131r yokum \u00f6yle bir \u015feye evet \u015fark\u0131lar g\u00fczel evet arada h\u00fcz\u00fcn yapal\u0131m evet topra\u011f\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 ba\u011flar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 olamayan olamam\u0131\u015f \u00e7i\u011f kalm\u0131\u015f ba\u011fl\u0131l\u0131klar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 arayal\u0131m ama kocaman geleceklerin orada olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 savunmayal\u0131m ger\u00e7ek hayatta kocaman geleceklerin bakmay\u0131 bilene orada oldu\u011funu bal gibi hepimiz biliyoruz ba\u015far\u0131 \u00f6yk\u00fcleri mucizevi \u00e7\u0131k\u0131\u015flar yok olmaktan \u00e7ok olmaya gidi\u015fler g\u00fczel varolu\u015flar m\u00fcmk\u00fcn her \u015fey m\u00fcmk\u00fcn hepimiz yanl\u0131\u015flar yap\u0131yoruz silba\u015ftan almay\u0131 arzu ediyoruz \u00f6nemli olan yanl\u0131\u015flar\u0131n ard\u0131ndan devam etmek kendine inanmak inanmak…<\/p>\n

…<\/p>\n

Da\u011flarda tek<\/em><\/p>\n

tek<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 ate\u015fler yan\u0131yordu<\/em><\/p>\n

Ve y\u0131ld\u0131zlar \u00f6yle \u0131\u015f\u0131lt\u0131l\u0131, \u00f6yle feraht\u0131lar ki<\/em><\/p>\n

\u015fayak kalpakl\u0131 adam<\/em><\/p>\n

nas\u0131l ve ne zaman gelece\u011fini bilmeden<\/em><\/p>\n

g\u00fczel, rahat g\u00fcnlere inan\u0131yordu*<\/em><\/p>\n

…<\/p>\n

B\u00f6yle bir inanmak i\u015fte! Bir insan\u0131n yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bir ba\u015fkas\u0131n\u0131n da yapabilece\u011fine; yap\u0131nca olaca\u011f\u0131na; oldu mu do\u011fru olaca\u011f\u0131na. Her \u015feyin sadece en do\u011fru, en olmas\u0131 gerekti\u011fi gibi olaca\u011f\u0131na. Grease \u015fark\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 t\u00fcm temposuyla, t\u00fcm co\u015fkusuyla s\u00f6ylersek, bir sabah g\u00fcne ba\u015flarken \u201cwe start believing now that we can be who we are,\u201d diye avaz\u0131m\u0131z \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131 kadar ba\u011f\u0131r\u0131rsak olaca\u011f\u0131na, olaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131za.<\/p>\n

\u0130nan\u0131yorum kendim olabilece\u011fime.<\/p>\n

Benim yolum ba\u015fka, derdim ba\u015fka.<\/p>\n

\u015eunun-bunun ba\u015f\u00f6rt\u00fcs\u00fcne, bakanlar\u0131n sa\u00e7mal\u0131klar\u0131na sarm\u0131yorum diye, dolar\u0131n f\u0131rlamas\u0131na, sosyal g\u00fcvenlik yasas\u0131na \u00e7emkirmiyorum diye, g\u00fcndelik tecav\u00fcz ve cinayetleri konu\u015fup yayarak g\u00fcndemimi me\u015fgul etmiyorum diye duyars\u0131z olarak nitelendirilmeyi reddediyorum.<\/p>\n

Benim duru\u015fum ba\u015fka, susu\u015fum ba\u015fka.<\/p>\n

Ben insana, insanlar-aras\u0131na, insan\u0131n nerden gelip nereye gitti\u011fine dalm\u0131\u015f\u0131m bir kere. B\u00fct\u00fcn bu \u201cciddi\u201d \u201cesas\u201d \u201cmakro\u201d meseleler nerden \u00e7\u0131k\u0131yor ki? \u0130nsan neden elli sene, y\u00fcz sene evvelkinden farkl\u0131 d\u00fcrt\u00fclerle ya\u015f\u0131yor? D\u00fcnyada, hayatta, toplumlarda ne de\u011fi\u015fti, (neden, nas\u0131l, ne zaman) ne oldu da insan b\u00f6yle oldu, ba\u015fka t\u00fcrl\u00fc iken? \u0130\u015fte benim meselem bu! Daha m\u0131 az \u00f6nemli? Daha m\u0131 az acil? \u00c7ocuklar\u0131m\u0131z uyu\u015fturucularla, kur\u015funlarla, maganda kavgalar\u0131yla, umursamazl\u0131klarla, yetersizliklerle, vurdumduymazl\u0131klarla, bencilliklerle \u00f6l\u00fcyor \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc insanlar de\u011fi\u015fiyor. Daha m\u0131 gereksiz?<\/p>\n

Benim \u00f6devim ba\u015fka, misyonum ba\u015fka.<\/p>\n

Hem \u00e7ok \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmam laz\u0131m, \u00e7ok.<\/p>\n

Bir \u015fey s\u00f6ylemek, se\u00e7im yapmakt\u0131r… -Kendi kendime de olsa- \u00e7ok \u015fey s\u00f6yl\u00fcyorum ben. S\u00f6ylediklerimin arkas\u0131nda durabilmek i\u00e7in \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmam laz\u0131m. \u0130nanmam, kendim olmam, s\u00f6ylemem ve \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmam laz\u0131m.<\/p>\n

Hastane senedi diye bir \u015fey var mesela \u00fclkemizde, bunun var olmamas\u0131 gerekti\u011fini yaymak i\u00e7in \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmam laz\u0131m. Sa\u011fl\u0131kta, yani sa\u011fl\u0131kl\u0131 ya\u015famak i\u00e7in, yani hayat\u0131m\u0131z i\u00e7in piyasa ko\u015fullar\u0131n\u0131n ge\u00e7erli olmas\u0131n\u0131n hem sa\u011fl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 sat\u0131n almak zorunda olan\u0131 (fiziksel olarak), hem bundan para kazanan\u0131 (ruhsal olarak) \u00f6ld\u00fcrd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc nevrim d\u00f6nmeden ifade edebilmem laz\u0131m. Babalar\u0131n \u00e7ocuklar\u0131n\u0131n sa\u011fl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 sat\u0131n alabilmek i\u00e7in adam ka\u00e7\u0131rd\u0131klar\u0131, soygun yapt\u0131klar\u0131, hapse girdikleri bir \u00fclkenin par\u00e7as\u0131 olmamak i\u00e7in.<\/p>\n

Kad\u0131n\u0131n \u00f6rt\u00fcnmesi konusunun, \u015fu yaz\u0131y\u0131 yazan, okuyan veya benzeri bir avu\u00e7 kad\u0131n\u0131n frapan kafalar\u0131na ba\u015f\u00f6rt\u00fcs\u00fc ba\u011flanmas\u0131ndan ibaret olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 anlatabilmek i\u00e7in \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmam laz\u0131m. As\u0131l sorunun, kad\u0131n deyince cinsel organ anlayan, az evrilmi\u015f erkekler oldu\u011funu. Bunlarla \u00e7evrili kad\u0131nlar\u0131n nas\u0131l giyinmesi gerekti\u011fini, nas\u0131l okullara, otob\u00fcslere, sinemalara ihtiya\u00e7 duyduklar\u0131n\u0131 konu\u015fmam\u0131z laz\u0131m. Bu zavall\u0131 homo sapiens \u00f6rneklerinin evrilmelerinin nesiller s\u00fcrece\u011fini, o arada biz ultra-modern avangard \u00f6rneklerin di\u015fimizi s\u0131k\u0131p yerimize oturmam\u0131z gerekti\u011fini; bu kad\u0131nlar i\u00e7in yapaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131z en iyi \u015feyin onlara ya\u015fayamayacaklar\u0131 bir \u00f6zg\u00fcrl\u00fck hediye etmek de\u011fil, ya\u015fayabilecekleri hayat\u0131n kalitesini y\u00fckseltmek oldu\u011funu, hayal ettiklerimizin ancak yava\u015f, \u00e7ok yava\u015f ger\u00e7ekle\u015febilece\u011fini anlamad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z s\u00fcrece \u00e7ay partilerinde konken oynamam\u0131z\u0131n toplum i\u00e7in daha faydal\u0131 olaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131.<\/p>\n

\u0130slami \u00f6c\u00fcn\u00fcn sembollerinden konu a\u00e7\u0131lm\u0131\u015fken, cephele\u015fmenin tam da k\u00f6t\u00fc niyetlilerin niyeti oldu\u011funu konu\u015fmam\u0131z laz\u0131m. Kaybedecek hi\u00e7bir \u015feyi olmayan, e\u011fitimsiz, ve \u00fcst\u00fcne de beyni y\u0131kanm\u0131\u015f adam\u0131 kavga meydan\u0131na \u00e7a\u011f\u0131rman\u0131n sa\u00e7mal\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131. \u015eimdiye kadar kaybetti\u011fimiz b\u00fct\u00fcn zamanlar\u0131, kar\u015f\u0131m\u0131zdakini \u201ckar\u015f\u0131m\u0131zdaki\u201d olarak de\u011ferlendirmekten kaybetti\u011fimizi. \u201cBiz\u201d, \u201conlar\u201d\u0131 cahil g\u00f6r\u00fcp yok edebilece\u011fimizi san\u0131rken, \u201conlar\u201d\u0131n kaybedecek hi\u00e7bir \u015feyi olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 i\u00e7in her \u015feyi g\u00f6ze ald\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131. Tek yolun uzla\u015fmak, payla\u015fmak, ortalamak oldu\u011funu, bu mealde birilerinin ne g\u00fczel d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcp www.biraradayasam.net<\/a> diye bir giri\u015fimde bulundu\u011funu payla\u015fmam\u0131z laz\u0131m…<\/p>\n

Kaybetti\u011fimiz zamanlar, geriye do\u011fru giden zamanlar. 1960\u2019larda T\u00fcrkiye\u2019de (de) caz m\u00fczi\u011fi dinleniyordu mesela, biliyor musunuz? \u015eimdi 2000\u2019lerde, G\u00fcl\u015fen, Cey-Lo ve d\u00fcn dinleyip bug\u00fcn ad\u0131n\u0131 hat\u0131rlamad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z \u201csanat\u00e7\u0131\u201dlar dinleniyor. \u00d6te yandan analar\u0131m\u0131z popolar\u0131n\u0131 anca kapatan eteklerle \u00e7ar\u015f\u0131ya, pazara, gezmeye gidiyorlard\u0131; bug\u00fcn evden \u00e7\u0131karken k\u0131yafetini gidece\u011fi semte g\u00f6re se\u00e7meyen kad\u0131n var m\u0131, ve bu konuda endi\u015fe etmeyen?<\/p>\n

T\u00fcrkiye neden b\u00f6yle h\u0131zla kapan\u0131yor, AKP y\u00fcz\u00fcnden mi? \u015eaka m\u0131 yap\u0131yorsunuz? Temeli olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan sindirilemeyen \u00f6zg\u00fcrl\u00fckler medya, internet ve ileti\u015fim-t\u00fcketim \u00e7a\u011f\u0131n\u0131n t\u00fcm ara\u00e7lar\u0131 sayesinde toplum hayat\u0131n\u0131 ba\u015ftan a\u015fa\u011f\u0131 istila ederken elbette bir netice olu\u015facak. Etki, tepki yaratacak. T\u00fcrkiye ya aniden a\u00e7\u0131lma hevesiyle sa\u00e7\u0131lacak, ya korunma i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fcs\u00fcyle muhafazakarla\u015facak. Do\u011frusu ben de bu ikilemde sa\u00e7\u0131lmaya taraftar olamayabilirim…<\/p>\n

Evet, bir yandan sa\u00e7\u0131l\u0131yoruz, \u00f6te yandan muhafazakarla\u015f\u0131yoruz, her yandan yozla\u015f\u0131yoruz. K\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck \u00e7ocuklara tecav\u00fcz eden y\u00fczba\u015f\u0131 ve arkada\u015f\u0131n\u0131n k\u0131z\u0131na tehdit mesajlar\u0131 g\u00f6nderen komiserden sonra en son hayran kald\u0131\u011f\u0131m \u00f6rnek, k\u00f6pekle korkutarak gasp yapma y\u00f6ntemini ke\u015ffeden vatanda\u015f. Bir k\u00f6pek, bir insan, ve gasp… Daha ne kadar kaybedebiliriz? Dibe vurmam\u0131za daha ne kadar var?<\/p>\n

Bir yandan b\u00fct\u00fcn bunlar olurken, medyan\u0131n pervas\u0131zca beslendi\u011fi parlak hayatlar parlamaya devam ederken, gazetenin bir sayfas\u0131n\u0131n ufac\u0131k bir haberinin bir c\u00fcmlesinde, bir gencin ad\u0131 ge\u00e7iyor. \u00d6yle ge\u00e7iveriyor, \u201c\u00c7at\u0131\u015fmada \u015eu, \u015eu, ve \u015eu hayatlar\u0131n\u0131 kaybetti.\u201d diye. B\u00f6yle pespaye bir c\u00fcmleyle, kimsenin umursamad\u0131\u011f\u0131, \u00e7o\u011funlu\u011fun g\u00f6rmedi\u011fi, belki birka\u00e7 ki\u015finin g\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fcn tak\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131 bir ufac\u0131k c\u00fcmleyle bir ailenin hayat\u0131 y\u0131k\u0131l\u0131yor, bitiyor…<\/p>\n

\u201cKim duyar, ses etsem, beni melekler kat\u0131ndan?\u201d*<\/em><\/p>\n

\u0130nsanlar\u0131n nas\u0131l kolay \u00f6ld\u00fckleri bir \u00fclkedeyiz.<\/p>\n

\u0130nsanlar\u0131n nas\u0131l kolay \u00f6ld\u00fckleri bir zamanday\u0131z.<\/p>\n

Ama hayat devam ediyor! Ediyor i\u015fte. Levh-i mahfuz nas\u0131l emrediyorsa, \u00f6yle. Baz\u0131lar\u0131na iyi diyoruz, baz\u0131lar\u0131na k\u00f6t\u00fc. Levh-i mahfuz hi\u00e7bir \u015fey demiyor, \u00f6yle olduklar\u0131ndan gayr\u0131. \u201cKabullenebilmek, b\u00fct\u00fcn mesele.\u201d* Yapabilecek miyiz? Bunca fenal\u0131\u011f\u0131n aras\u0131nda \u00f6rne\u011fin harikulade bir yaz ge\u00e7irmeyi.<\/p>\n

\u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc \u00f6rne\u011fin Mazhar Alanson yeni bir alb\u00fcm yapm\u0131\u015f, MF\u00d6 daha do\u011frusu. Kendisini, pop m\u00fczi\u011fi, m\u00fczi\u011fi a\u015fm\u0131\u015f, ba\u015fka bir \u015fey yapm\u0131\u015f. \u201cKorkun\u00e7tur yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z \/ bir oyun oynan\u0131r, oyalan\u0131r\u0131z \/ orman de\u011filiz art\u0131k, milli park\u0131z…\u201d* Korkun\u00e7 yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131zla, korkun\u00e7 ac\u0131mas\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131zla, korkun\u00e7 \u00e7a\u011f\u0131m\u0131zla yine de harikulade bir yaz ya\u015famay\u0131 ba\u015farabilecek miyiz? Sonunda demeyi:<\/p>\n

\u201c…koca bir yaz ge\u00e7irdim, \u015fimdi yorgunum biraz…\u201d*<\/em><\/p>\n

Ya da teknenin ah\u015fap kokan g\u00fcvertesinde s\u0131rt \u00fcst\u00fc yatm\u0131\u015f, hafif hafif sallanman\u0131n keyfini s\u00fcrerken m\u0131r\u0131ldanmay\u0131:<\/p>\n

\u201c…no need to run and hide, it\u2019s a wonderful, wonderful life…\u201d*<\/em><\/p>\n

K\u0131ra\u00e7, do\u011fdu\u011fu yerlerde Garbi Yeli denen r\u00fczgar\u0131 \u015f\u00f6yle anlat\u0131yor bir alb\u00fcm kapa\u011f\u0131nda: \u201c…onu hep do\u011fru hat\u0131rlad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131z\u0131 san\u0131r, her esi\u015finde a\u011flamakl\u0131 bir mutlulukla yan\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131z\u0131 anlars\u0131n\u0131z. Tahmininizden hep daha g\u00fczeldir…\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cnereye gidiyoruz b\u00f6yle? eve, hep eve.\u201d*<\/em><\/p>\n

Gitti\u011fimiz yer, ev, hep tahminimizden daha g\u00fczel.<\/p>\n

(Temmuz 2006)<\/p>\n

* al\u0131nt\u0131lar\u0131n kaynaklar\u0131, s\u0131rayla: Ayna, Nefes alb\u00fcm\u00fc \/ Naz\u0131m Hikmet, Kurtulu\u015f Sava\u015f\u0131 Destan\u0131 \/ Rainer Marie Rilke, Duino A\u011f\u0131tlar\u0131 \/ Rainer Marie Rilke \/ MF\u00d6, AGU alb\u00fcm\u00fc \/ Oktay Rifat \/ Black \/ Yunanl\u0131 \u015fair Novalis<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Hepsinin arkas\u0131nda durmak gerekir. Aya\u011fa kalkmak i\u00e7in birilerinin \u00f6n\u00fcn\u00fc kapatmay\u0131, omlet yapmak i\u00e7in birka\u00e7 yumurta k\u0131rmay\u0131 g\u00f6ze almak gerekir. Laf uzar gider, kesmeyi bilmek gerekir.…<\/p>\n

Devam\u0131 i\u00e7in…Susmak da bir se\u00e7imdir, bir \u015fey s\u00f6ylemek de<\/span><\/a><\/div>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[18],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/170"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=170"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/170\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":171,"href":"https:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/170\/revisions\/171"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=170"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=170"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=170"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}