![\"IMG_2709\"](\"http:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/08\/IMG_2709.jpg\")
<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
Bir \u00e7ocuk vard\u0131\u2026<\/p>\n
Ad\u0131 Hugo. Bug\u00fcn onu hat\u0131rlad\u0131m.<\/p>\n
\u00c7o\u011fu kimse bilmez Hugo\u2019nun hayat\u0131mda varl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131. \u00c7ocuk diyorum, ben \u00e7ok b\u00fcy\u00fck, \u00e7ok yeti\u015fkindim \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc, tam 24 ya\u015f\u0131mdayd\u0131m! O ise benden iki ya\u015f k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck, 22. Hugo bir San Diego bar\u0131nda, gayet albenisiz iki gen\u00e7 T\u00fcrk kad\u0131n\u0131 olarak geleneksel ve s\u0131k\u0131c\u0131 \u015fekilde m\u00fczi\u011fe sal\u0131nd\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z bir ak\u015fam buldu beni. Hayat\u0131mda varl\u0131\u011f\u0131 ne \u00e7ok uzun, ne \u00e7ok kesif oldu, ama i\u015fte o ak\u015fam beni bulmas\u0131n\u0131 sa\u011flayan o Hugo bak\u0131\u015f\u0131 sebebiyle seneler i\u00e7inde umdu\u011fundan \u00e7ok daha fazla an\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131na eminim.<\/p>\n
El muchacho se llamaba Hugo.*<\/i><\/p>\n
O ak\u015fam yan\u0131ma geldi Hugo ve, Gel benimle dans et, dedi. Ters ters bakt\u0131m (beni bilenler gayet iyi bilir o bak\u0131\u015f\u0131!) ve, Neden?, dedim. G\u00f6zlerimdeki ate\u015fle ilgili bir \u015fey s\u00f6yledi ve (yine beni bilenlerin gayet \u015fa\u015f\u0131raca\u011f\u0131 \u015fekilde) dans etmeye ba\u015flad\u0131k. Gecenin sonunda, ke\u015fke Melekler \u015eehri\u2019ne d\u00f6nmem gerekmeseydi, diye d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyorduk ikimiz de. Ben orada ya\u015f\u0131yordum, o San Diego\u2019da. \u0130ki saatlik mesafede, aylar i\u00e7inde s\u0131k s\u0131k g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015ft\u00fck – bar tan\u0131\u015fmas\u0131n\u0131n ve ba\u015flang\u0131\u00e7 c\u00fcmlesinin \u00e7a\u011fr\u0131\u015ft\u0131rabilece\u011finin aksine, birbirimizden hi\u00e7bir beklentimiz olmadan.<\/p>\n
Victor Hugo gibi, diye hat\u0131rlatm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 ismini ilk s\u00f6yledi\u011finde. Hugo ile i\u00e7inde platonik bir a\u015fk da olan yo\u011fun bir arkada\u015fl\u0131k ya\u015fad\u0131k, ne kadar s\u00fcrd\u00fc, hi\u00e7 hat\u0131rlam\u0131yorum. Hat\u0131rlad\u0131\u011f\u0131m, o ak\u015fam karanl\u0131k bar\u0131n b\u00fcy\u00fck salonunun ta \u00f6teki ucundan, benim g\u00f6zlerimdeki ate\u015fi g\u00f6r\u00fcp geldi\u011fini s\u00f6yledi\u011fi. Ve daha ilerde bana yazd\u0131\u011f\u0131 mektuptaki, \u201cSiempre, siempre enamorada\u2026<\/i>\u201d diye giden \u015fark\u0131 s\u00f6zleri. \u0130\u015fte bug\u00fcn bu \u015fark\u0131 s\u00f6zleri nedeniyle and\u0131m Hugo\u2019yu.<\/p>\n
Ba\u015fka bir \u0130spanyolca \u015fark\u0131 dinliyordum, Yo vengo a ofrecer mi corazon<\/i>, kalbime dokunan, her duydu\u011fumda kulak kesildi\u011fim bir \u0130spanyolca klasik: Kalbimi sunmaya geldim, \u00e7ok kolay olmayacak, biliyorum neler oldu\u011funu, \u00e7ok basit olmayacak, d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm gibi\u2026 Kalbimi, dedim, kime sunabilirim, kalbim sunmak i\u00e7in benim mi ki, \u00e2\u015f\u0131k de\u011fil miyim \u015fu anda, bu kalbin bir (veya bir s\u00fcr\u00fc!) sahibi yok mu?..<\/p>\n
Ne zamand\u0131r d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyorum bunu. A\u015fk ne menem bir \u015feydir diye, en az\u0131ndan benim i\u00e7in, benim kalbimdeki, benim hemen her an ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m a\u015fk. \u00c7ok da \u00e7\u00f6zmeye merakl\u0131 oldu\u011fumdan de\u011fil, b\u0131rak da\u011f\u0131n\u0131k kals\u0131n diyorum asl\u0131nda, ama \u00f6yle meraktan i\u015fte\u2026 Benim kalbim benim, ama i\u00e7inde her bir k\u00f6pe\u011fime ayr\u0131 ayr\u0131 a\u015fk\u0131m var, \u00e2\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131m onlara. Kendi k\u00f6peklerimi b\u0131rak, kar\u015f\u0131ma \u00e7\u0131kan hemen her k\u00f6pe\u011fe de \u00e2\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131m! Benim olmas\u0131 \u015fart de\u011fil ya. Sonra ablam\u0131n kedilerine \u00e2\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131m. Sabahlar\u0131 g\u00fcne\u015fin parlamas\u0131na, gece yatarken tepemde parlayan y\u0131ld\u0131zlara \u00e2\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131m, yeni aya ve dolunaya ve ays\u0131z karanl\u0131k gecelere. Yedi\u011fim domatese, beyaz peynire, rak\u0131ya \u00e2\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131m. Hele k\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131 \u015faraplar\u0131n her birinin ayr\u0131 ayr\u0131 yeri var kalbimde!<\/p>\n
Ne bileyim, babam\u0131n selfi \u00e7ekerkenki g\u00fclmelerine, ara ara beni aray\u0131p \u015fakayla sitem etmesine, \u00e7at\u0131k ka\u015flar\u0131na ve \u00fcst\u00fcne d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmde atarlanmas\u0131na \u00e2\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131m. Kafe m\u00fc\u015fterim sevgili Serdar beyin bana kopyalad\u0131\u011f\u0131 ilk Monica Molina alb\u00fcm\u00fcne \u00e2\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131m. Malaga\u2019daki ev sahibim, her s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131da bana kahramanl\u0131k taslayan (\u201cAlgunos dias son malos\u201d) ve omzuma gelen k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck adama a\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131m. Me\u015fe yemek masama \u00e2\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131m, \u015f\u0131k tavan pervanelerime, hele hele yeni motoruma – her resmini g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmde elimde olmadan a\u011fz\u0131m kulaklar\u0131ma var\u0131yor\u2026 Bircan\u2019\u0131n ye\u011fenine, G\u00fcl Bernalar\u0131n \u00e7ocuklar\u0131na, k\u0131\u015f aylar\u0131n\u0131n so\u011fu\u011funa ve g\u00fczel bir kahveye ve 30 kilometre y\u00fcr\u00fcyerek pestil olmaya.<\/p>\n
B\u00f6yle b\u00f6yle, estoy siempre, siempre enamorada<\/i> – her daim, her daim \u00e2\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131m ben! Hayata ve i\u00e7indeki -hemen hemen- her \u015feye. Bunca \u00e7ekilmez olan, bunca karanl\u0131k, bunca umut k\u0131r\u0131c\u0131, bunca yorucu olan hayata. \u201cAfter more than a thousand broken promises\u2026<\/i>\u201d diye gidiyordu Hugo\u2019nun mektupta yazd\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u015fark\u0131 s\u00f6zleri: Tutulmayan binden fazla s\u00f6zden sonra, evet her \u015feye ra\u011fmen yine de \u00e2\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131m san\u0131r\u0131m bu hayata. Kime, nas\u0131l, neden sunay\u0131m bu kalbi?!<\/p>\n
Hugo\u2019nun mektubu belki duruyordur, bir mektup kutum var, i\u00e7inden bir s\u00fcr\u00fcn\u00fcz\u00fcn de mektuplar\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kabilir, ona g\u00f6re – yak\u0131nda bir g\u00fcn d\u00f6ker, sabahtan ak\u015fama okurum her birini. Bulursam onunla o g\u00fcnlerde ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z, daha do\u011frusu hissetti\u011fimiz ve payla\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z o a\u015fk\u0131n izlerini de bulurum belki\u2026 Benden gizledi\u011fi bir \u015fey vard\u0131, Hugo yasad\u0131\u015f\u0131 g\u00f6\u00e7mendi Kaliforniya\u2019da, bundan utan\u0131yordu, \u00fcniversiteye gidiyor, kendini geli\u015ftirmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yordu, i\u015fsiz e\u011fitimsiz bir Meksikal\u0131 olmamaya; ben bunu gizledi\u011fi i\u00e7in k\u0131zd\u0131m, o gitti, ben d\u00f6nd\u00fcm. O g\u00fcn bug\u00fcn, benimle onun gibi ge\u00e7erli bir nedenle dans etmek isteyen de \u00e7\u0131kmad\u0131 zaten.<\/p>\n
Ama en az\u0131ndan bir Hugo var olmu\u015f oldu hayat\u0131mda, ve a\u015fk! Gitti, geldi, o \u015fekle girdi, bu \u015fekilden \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131, ama her daim a\u015fk\u2026 Con Hugo o sin Hugo: Siempre, siempre enamorada estara.**<\/i><\/p>\n
![\"IMG_2683\"](\"http:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/08\/IMG_2683.jpg\")
<\/p>\n
*El muchacho se llamaba Santiago: \u201cDelikanl\u0131n\u0131n ad\u0131 Santiago idi,\u201d Simyac\u0131\u2019n\u0131n a\u00e7\u0131l\u0131\u015f c\u00fcmlesi.<\/i><\/p>\n
**Hugo ile ya da Hugo\u2019suz: Her daim \u00e2\u015f\u0131k olaca\u011f\u0131m.<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Bir \u00e7ocuk vard\u0131\u2026 Ad\u0131 Hugo. Bug\u00fcn onu hat\u0131rlad\u0131m. \u00c7o\u011fu kimse bilmez Hugo\u2019nun hayat\u0131mda varl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131. \u00c7ocuk diyorum, ben \u00e7ok b\u00fcy\u00fck, \u00e7ok yeti\u015fkindim \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc, tam 24 ya\u015f\u0131mdayd\u0131m!…<\/p>\n