{"id":546,"date":"2019-01-25T01:19:47","date_gmt":"2019-01-24T22:19:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/?p=546"},"modified":"2019-01-25T01:19:47","modified_gmt":"2019-01-24T22:19:47","slug":"against-all-odds","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/index.php\/2019\/01\/25\/against-all-odds\/","title":{"rendered":"Against all odds*\u2026"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/p>\n

Phil Collins\u2019in bir anda tesad\u00fcfen akl\u0131ma gelen efsane \u015fark\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 ba\u011f\u0131rt\u0131rken az evvel, i\u00e7imde bir yerlerde ipler koptu bir kez daha. Karanl\u0131k bir ruh haline, tats\u0131z bir ge\u00e7mi\u015fe dald\u0131m, istemeden mi, isteyerek mi bilmeden.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

O kadar mutsuz olmasayd\u0131m, diyorum bazen. Y\u00fcz\u00fcmden g\u00f6lge falan da de\u011fil basbaya\u011f\u0131 kuzguni karanl\u0131klar ge\u00e7erken. O kadar derin bir mutsuzlu\u011fun i\u00e7inde, o kadar tek ba\u015f\u0131ma k\u0131vranmasayd\u0131m, o kadar uzun seneler boyunca\u2026<\/p>\n

Ne bileyim, herkesin sevmem gerekti\u011fini s\u00f6yledi\u011fi ama hi\u00e7 tan\u0131mad\u0131\u011f\u0131m aksi adam\u0131n \u00e7orapl\u0131 ayaklar\u0131n\u0131n, hal\u0131n\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcnde k\u0131vr\u0131lm\u0131\u015f \u00e7ocuk beni tekmeledi\u011fini hat\u0131rlamasayd\u0131m\u2026 Beni do\u011furan insan, ben bir okul \u00e7ocu\u011fuyken ac\u0131 i\u00e7inde yata\u011f\u0131mda k\u0131vran\u0131rken kap\u0131n\u0131n ucundan kafay\u0131 uzat\u0131p konkene gitmeseydi\u2026 Beni onunla birlikte herkesten uzak ya\u015fayaca\u011f\u0131m senelere haz\u0131rlayan sevdi\u011fim insan, bir g\u00fcn bana ni\u015fanlanmaya mecbur kald\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 s\u00f6ylemeseydi\u2026 Nedense \u00f6mr\u00fcm\u00fc birlikte ge\u00e7irmeye ba\u015f koydu\u011fum insan, hayat\u0131m\u0131 ruhsal bir k\u0131yma makinas\u0131na \u00e7evirmeseydi\u2026 Bir filmde gen\u00e7 kad\u0131n karakterin kendi ruhsal durumunu kastederek, \u201cDaha iyi olmak, iyile\u015fmek istiyorum,\u201d demesi \u00fczerine, b\u00f6yle bir se\u00e7ene\u011fin var oldu\u011funu fark edip a\u011flamaya ba\u015flamam i\u00e7in neden olmasayd\u0131\u2026<\/p>\n

Ke\u015fke diyorum, ke\u015fke olmasayd\u0131 b\u00fct\u00fcn bunlar.<\/p>\n

Ke\u015fke sevmem ben. Demem de. Ama bazen, o mutsuzlu\u011fu hat\u0131rlad\u0131k\u00e7a, diyorum. Can\u0131m ac\u0131yor \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc. O g\u00fczel \u00e7ocu\u011fun, o g\u00fczel gen\u00e7 k\u0131z\u0131n, o g\u00fczel kad\u0131n\u0131n i\u00e7inde yuvarland\u0131\u011f\u0131, o s\u0131n\u0131rs\u0131z, \u0131\u015f\u0131ks\u0131z mutsuzlu\u011fu hat\u0131rlay\u0131nca can\u0131m ac\u0131yor. Hi\u00e7 kimse bunu ya\u015famamal\u0131 diyorum, hele benim gibi -benim kadar- yap\u0131sal olarak mutlulu\u011fu arayan biri.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Defne kadar cesur de\u011filim, kendime onun kadar d\u0131\u015fardan, onun kadar \u00f6znel bakam\u0131yorum ki onun defnesumanblogs.com<\/a>‘daki \u015fahane yaz\u0131lar\u0131nda yazd\u0131\u011f\u0131 gibi, \u015fu kadar mutsuzdum, b\u00f6yle sa\u00e7malad\u0131m, o zaman k\u00f6t\u00fcyd\u00fcm, \u015f\u00f6yle yanl\u0131\u015f yapt\u0131m, gibi \u015feyler yazay\u0131m, kendimi didikleyeyim, ortaya koyup rahatlayay\u0131m\u2026 Her \u015fey karanl\u0131klarda duruyor, onca onlarca senedir. B\u00f6l\u00fck p\u00f6r\u00e7\u00fck \u00f6yk\u00fc par\u00e7alar\u0131nda, baz\u0131 yaz\u0131lar\u0131n sat\u0131r aralar\u0131nda.<\/p>\n

Ama belki ben o derin mutsuzlu\u011fu bu kadar yak\u0131ndan bildi\u011fim i\u00e7in \u015fimdi bu kadar hassas\u0131m insanlar\u0131n mutsuzlu\u011funa, sevdiklerimin s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131lar\u0131, endi\u015feleri, tats\u0131zl\u0131klar\u0131 bu y\u00fczden bana bu kadar dokunuyor ve bundan bu kadar \u00e7\u0131rp\u0131n\u0131yorum onlar\u0131 o karanl\u0131klardan kurtarabilmek i\u00e7in, \u201cAman, bana m\u0131 kald\u0131!\u201d veya \u201cOf bana dokunmas\u0131n da ne hali varsa\u2026\u201d diyen bunca tip insan varken.<\/p>\n

Gazetenin D\u0131\u015f Haberler servisinde \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmaya ilk ba\u015flad\u0131\u011f\u0131mda, \u0130kinci D\u00fcnya Sava\u015f\u0131\u2019n\u0131n sonunun ve Nazi toplama kamplar\u0131n\u0131n da\u011f\u0131t\u0131lmas\u0131n\u0131n 50. y\u0131l\u0131 i\u00e7in ara\u015ft\u0131rma yap\u0131yorduk. O s\u0131rada kamplardan kurtulmu\u015f biri yak\u0131n zamanda, yani olaydan 50 y\u0131l kadar sonra, intihar etmi\u015fti, \u201c\u0130\u015fkence edilmi\u015f insan, her zaman i\u015fkence edilmi\u015f olarak kal\u0131yor,\u201d diye bir not b\u0131rakarak. San\u0131r\u0131m, herhalde yani, hepimiz hayat\u0131m\u0131zda bir yerde, bir \u015fekilde i\u015fkenceye u\u011fram\u0131\u015f oluyoruz. Baz\u0131m\u0131z\u00a0 <\/span>tekrar, yeniden, yeni bir \u015feyler bulabiliyor hayatta u\u011fruna m\u00fccadele edilecek. Baz\u0131m\u0131z bulam\u0131yor. Ama hepimiz, herkes hayata yaral\u0131 olarak devam ediyor.<\/p>\n

Against all odds<\/i>, yani her \u015feye ra\u011fmen, ya\u015famaya devam ediyoruz\u2026 Ya her an bo\u011fuluyor olma hissinde, ya g\u00fcl\u00fcp ge\u00e7meyi esas alarak\u2026 Yaralar\u0131m\u0131z ya y\u00fczeyde, ya derinde.<\/p>\n

(Ocak 2019)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Phil Collins\u2019in bir anda tesad\u00fcfen akl\u0131ma gelen efsane \u015fark\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 ba\u011f\u0131rt\u0131rken az evvel, i\u00e7imde bir yerlerde ipler koptu bir kez daha. Karanl\u0131k bir ruh haline, tats\u0131z…<\/p>\n

Devam\u0131 i\u00e7in…Against all odds*\u2026<\/span><\/a><\/div>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[15],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/546"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=546"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/546\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":547,"href":"https:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/546\/revisions\/547"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=546"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=546"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=546"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}