{"id":656,"date":"2021-12-30T17:53:26","date_gmt":"2021-12-30T14:53:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/?p=656"},"modified":"2021-12-30T17:53:27","modified_gmt":"2021-12-30T14:53:27","slug":"ozledim-be-kardesim","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/index.php\/2021\/12\/30\/ozledim-be-kardesim\/","title":{"rendered":"\u00d6zledim be karde\u015fim!"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

\u00c7ok da \u00f6p\u00fc\u015fgen insan de\u011filim ama, sar\u0131l\u0131p \u00f6p\u00fc\u015fmeyi \u00f6zledim mesela. Tam da k\u00f6y\u00fcmdeki, Kayseri\u2019deki, \u0130stanbul\u2019daki ayr\u0131 ayr\u0131 \u00f6p\u00fc\u015fme \u00e7e\u015fitlerini \u00f6\u011frenip adapte olmu\u015fken. K\u00f6yde s\u0131rayla sa\u011f yanak, sol yanak, sol sar\u0131lma, sa\u011f sar\u0131lma. Kayseri\u2019de sol yanak, sa\u011f yanak, sa\u011f yanak bast\u0131rma, sol yanak bast\u0131rma. \u0130stanbul\u2019da sa\u011f yanak, sol yanak. Galiba. Diyorum ya, tam \u00f6\u011frenmi\u015ftim yine mazide kald\u0131 mecbur.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

El s\u0131k\u0131\u015fmay\u0131 bile \u00f6zledim tuhaf bir \u015fekilde. \u015e\u00f6yle s\u0131k\u0131 s\u0131k\u0131 kavray\u0131p, cinsiyetsiz bir g\u00fc\u00e7 ve g\u00fcven g\u00f6stermeyi. Hala tuhaf tuhaf bak\u0131yorum ayr\u0131 gayr\u0131 dururken, bulu\u015ftu\u011fum konu\u015ftu\u011fum insanlarla. \u201cFist bump\u201d ise espri olmaktan \u00e7oktan \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Arada bir \u00fc\u015f\u00fc\u015f\u00fcyor akl\u0131ma bu salg\u0131n d\u00f6neminde \u00f6zledi\u011fim \u015feyler. \u0130stanbul\u2019un metro a\u011flar\u0131nda ve t\u00fcnellerinde yer alt\u0131ndaki g\u00fcruhlar aras\u0131nda ko\u015fturarak metroya, tramvaya binmeyi, kalabal\u0131k mekanlarda inmeyi, havaliman\u0131, Kapal\u0131\u00e7ar\u015f\u0131, Tahtakale, Karak\u00f6y, Taksim duraklar\u0131n\u0131 takip etmeyi \u00f6zledim. U\u00e7aklarda mini mini servisler yap\u0131lmas\u0131n\u0131 ve tepeden en g\u00fczel do\u011fa manzaralar\u0131n\u0131 seyrederek g\u00fczel bir kahvemi yudumlamay\u0131. \u0130\u015f Sanat\u2019ta konsere gitmeyi, fuayede etraf\u0131 g\u00f6zleyip asl\u0131nda nezih bir kentte ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 hayal etmeyi. San Sebastian\u2019daki favori bar\u0131m Atari\u2019de bir cumartesi ak\u015fam\u0131 ite kaka bardan tapas almay\u0131 ve insanlar\u0131n \u00fcstlerinden ba\u011fr\u0131\u015farak \u015farap \u0131smarlamay\u0131. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u0130spanya\u2019ya gitmi\u015fken, y\u00fcr\u00fcy\u00fc\u015f k\u0131yafetleriyle koku\u015fmu\u015f her boydan insanla y\u00fczlerce y\u0131ll\u0131k bir kilisede veya dev bir katedralde peregrino t\u00f6renine kat\u0131lmay\u0131 \u00f6zledim. Tan\u0131mad\u0131\u011f\u0131m insanlarla tan\u0131\u015ft\u0131r\u0131l\u0131p \u201cHola,\u201d diye at\u0131larak iki yanaktan \u00f6p\u00fc\u015fmeyi. Taksim meydan\u0131ndaki ufac\u0131k b\u00fcfelerin bir kenar\u0131na s\u0131\u011f\u0131\u015f\u0131p art arda iki \u00fc\u00e7 \u0131slak hamburger g\u00f6mmeyi. Barc\u0131 da de\u011filim ama yeminle k\u0131s\u0131tland\u0131\u011f\u0131 i\u00e7in onu bile \u00f6zledim! Bir barda kalabal\u0131klar\u0131 yararak ilerleyip barmenin g\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc yakalamaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmay\u0131. Yak\u0131n arkada\u015flar\u0131mla su \u015fi\u015femi payla\u015fmay\u0131 veya yemeklerine \u00e7atal atmay\u0131. Kocaman bir etkinlik yaparak bir s\u00fcr\u00fc insan\u0131 bir s\u00fcr\u00fc insanla bir araya getirip, hepsini kollar\u0131ndan \u00e7eki\u015ftirerek birbirine tan\u0131\u015ft\u0131rmay\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00d6zlediklerim var elbette bir bu\u00e7uk y\u0131la yakla\u015fan belirsiz ve dengesiz salg\u0131n d\u00f6neminde. Olsun vars\u0131n. Salg\u0131n\u0131n hayat\u0131ma katt\u0131klar\u0131 da var… \u0130nanmas\u0131 g\u00fc\u00e7 ama, yava\u015flad\u0131m. Daha az \u015feyi, daha kendimi vererek, ad\u0131mlar\u0131m\u0131 yava\u015flatarak, sonras\u0131n\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcp at ko\u015fturmadan, i\u00e7 ferahl\u0131\u011f\u0131yla yap\u0131yorum. Kafam daha bir sakin, daha bir huzurlu, daha bir oldu\u011fu halinden memnun oldu. Misal, ayn\u0131 anda be\u015f i\u015fle me\u015fgul olman\u0131n benim i\u00e7in normal oldu\u011funu, bu say\u0131 yediye, dokuza \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131nda sa\u00e7mala\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 anlad\u0131m: Buyrunuz, kendi ger\u00e7e\u011fini kabullenmek.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Evet, kabul daha \u00e7ok yer almaya ba\u015flad\u0131 hayat\u0131mda. Tabii bu denge getirdi, yogamda da g\u00f6rebildi\u011fim gibi – b\u00fct\u00fcn denge hareketlerinde \u00e7ok daha s\u00fckunet hakim art\u0131k. Yoga d\u00fczenimi hep isteyip hedefleyip hi\u00e7 ba\u015faramay\u0131p kendimi yedi\u011fimden farkl\u0131, uygulanabilir bir \u015fekle koydum, sal\u0131 per\u015fembe pazar. Oh be, d\u00fcnya varm\u0131\u015f, her sabah yoga yapmak \u015fart diye vicdan azab\u0131 ile ya\u015famak yerine haftan\u0131n bir yar\u0131s\u0131nda i\u015flere giri\u015fmenin, di\u011fer yar\u0131s\u0131nda mata \u00e7\u0131kman\u0131n mutlulu\u011fu!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00d6te yandan bu d\u00f6nemdeki sars\u0131lmalar, tercihler, hesapla\u015fmalar, \u00f6ncelikler vb sonucunda kafamda ger\u00e7ekten ne kadar zaman nerede olmak istedi\u011fim, ne miktar ne yapmak istedi\u011fim oturdu. Yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131m se\u00e7imleri yapmaya hakk\u0131m oldu\u011fu da oturdu. E\u011friler, do\u011frular, \u015fimdiler ve sonralar, ben ve \u00f6tekiler yerlerini buldu. Ger\u00e7i d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcnce, b\u00fct\u00fcn bunlar belki de tam salg\u0131n \u00f6ncesinde girdi\u011fim ikinci yar\u0131n\u0131n etkileridir (\u015fahane 50 ya\u015f kutlamam\u0131n hala tad\u0131 dama\u011f\u0131mda) veya son b\u00fcy\u00fck seyahatim olan ve beni \u00e7ok etkileyen Bali\u2019nin, bilemiyorum. Veya hepsinin bile\u015fimi. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Daha \u00e7ok ve h\u0131zl\u0131 kitap okumalar ve g\u00f6zden ge\u00e7irmeler katt\u0131 hayat\u0131ma salg\u0131n. D\u00fczenli film izleme al\u0131\u015fkanl\u0131\u011f\u0131 (ve filmci bir arkada\u015f sayesinde film okuma becerisi) katt\u0131. Bir m\u00fc\u015ftemilat katt\u0131, gezmeye her zamanki h\u0131zla devam etsem muhtemelen bitirmekte \u00e7ok zorlanaca\u011f\u0131m. Bu m\u00fc\u015ftemilat\u0131n i\u00e7inin dolmas\u0131 ve hayat\u0131ma destek kuvvet gelmesi ihtimalini katt\u0131. Evin ve avanesinin renovasyonu, eksiklerin tedarik, bozuklar\u0131n tamir edilip, i\u015flevlerin ve kullan\u0131\u015fl\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131n artmas\u0131. \u0130spanyolcay\u0131 nihayet birka\u00e7 s\u0131k\u0131 \u00e7evrimi\u00e7i kursla ilerletme f\u0131rsat\u0131 katt\u0131 sonra.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

B\u00fcnyan\u2019\u0131n ve Kayseri\u2019nin tad\u0131n\u0131 daha fazla \u00e7\u0131karma imkan\u0131 katt\u0131 salg\u0131n benim hayat\u0131ma. Hep hald\u0131r huldur ko\u015farak gidip geliyordum, bunca y\u0131ld\u0131r ilk kez haftalarla orada kalmay\u0131, sakin g\u00fcnler ge\u00e7irmeyi, gezinip bak\u0131n\u0131p d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnme gerektiren projeler geli\u015ftirmeyi ba\u015farabildim. Hem evden ba\u015fka bir yerde salg\u0131n ko\u015fullar\u0131nda dahi g\u00fcvenle var olabilmenin de\u011ferini fark ettim, hem oralar\u0131n yeni g\u00fczelliklerini ya\u015fad\u0131m, a\u00e7\u0131k hava etkinlikleri, y\u00fcr\u00fcy\u00fc\u015f yollar\u0131, da\u011f vadi gezmeleri, kamp e\u011flenceleri ke\u015ffettim. Hem orada, hem k\u00f6y\u00fcmde topra\u011fa, do\u011faya ve ilkel insan benli\u011fime daha da yakla\u015ft\u0131m, misal ate\u015fte pi\u015firmenin g\u00fczelli\u011fini, \u00e7at\u0131s\u0131z bar\u0131nman\u0131n ho\u015flu\u011funu, do\u011fan\u0131n ba\u011fr\u0131nda sosyalle\u015fmenin biricikli\u011fini anlad\u0131m. Gelece\u011fimi ve gelecek planlar\u0131m\u0131 bu ke\u015fifler \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131nda kurgulad\u0131m. Tar\u0131ma, do\u011fal tar\u0131msal \u00fcretime vakfedebildi\u011fim bol zaman ve enerji de cabas\u0131!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pandemi kelimesinden hi\u00e7 ho\u015flanmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m; korona, kovid, Sars – Covid – 19 vs vs adlar u\u00e7u\u015fup durdu aylard\u0131r hayat\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n ba\u015f k\u00f6\u015felerinde, sonunda -yaz\u0131n\u0131n buras\u0131na kadar herhalde fark etmi\u015fsinizdir- benim i\u00e7ime g\u00fczel, sade, \u00f6zt\u00fcrk\u00e7e salg\u0131n kelimesi sindi. Bula\u015flara, filyasyonlara, soka\u011fa \u00e7\u0131kma k\u0131s\u0131tlamas\u0131 ve tam kapanma ve yar\u0131 karantinalara ve anlam bula\u015f\u0131kl\u0131klar\u0131na elimden geldi\u011fince bula\u015fmad\u0131m. Fauciler, Geberiyoslar, EMA\u2019lar ve DS\u00d6\u2019ler, rakamlar, g\u00fcnde 62 binler, 100 binde 300ler, 600ler, hedef 5 binler de art\u0131k pek bir \u015fey ifade etmiyor. A\u015f\u0131 markalar\u0131, tarzlar\u0131, altlar\u0131ndaki teorileri, korkular\u0131, k\u00f6kleri vs \u00e7ok k\u0131s\u0131tl\u0131 miktarda ilgi alan\u0131ma giriyor. \u00d6zetle benim i\u015fim bi\u00e7imle de\u011fil i\u015flevle: Ne zaman \u00f6zg\u00fcrl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcme kavu\u015faca\u011f\u0131m? Ne zaman istedi\u011fim anda istedi\u011fim yerde istedi\u011fim gibi olabilece\u011fim? Tercihim \u00f6zg\u00fcrl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fc tekrar ele ge\u00e7irmek y\u00f6n\u00fcnde olacak her zaman, onun i\u00e7in ne gerekiyorsa…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u015eimdi bunlar\u0131 buraya yaz\u0131yorum \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc (halleluya!) bir g\u00fcn, hem de \u00e7ok uzak olmayan bir g\u00fcn, bunlar\u0131n hepsini unutaca\u011f\u0131z! Evet, inanmas\u0131 g\u00fc\u00e7 ama \u00f6yle. Bu ge\u00e7en bir bu\u00e7uk y\u0131l nas\u0131l ge\u00e7tiyse, gelecek bir bu\u00e7uk y\u0131l da ayn\u0131 h\u0131zla -belki daha da h\u0131zla, \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc yukar\u0131 \u00e7\u0131k\u0131\u015ftay\u0131z- ge\u00e7ecek. O zaman diyece\u011fiz ki, Yahu neydi o ufak tefek adam\u0131n ad\u0131, \u0130talyan havas\u0131nda bir \u015fey, kovid bilgi kayna\u011f\u0131yd\u0131 epey zaman? Ka\u00e7 vaka oluyordu g\u00fcnde bizde, ka\u00e7a \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015ft\u0131 en \u00e7ok? Hangi a\u015f\u0131 gelmi\u015fti T\u00fcrkiye\u2019ye ilk, \u00e7o\u011funluk ondan olmu\u015ftu?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u0130\u015fte b\u00f6yle b\u00f6yle. \u00d6zlem, katk\u0131, tercih… Ge\u00e7iyor ge\u00e7iyor, az kald\u0131, dayan\u0131n. Baz\u0131 \u015feyleri unutaca\u011f\u0131z, baz\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131 ise unutmayal\u0131m.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(May\u0131s 2021)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u00c7ok da \u00f6p\u00fc\u015fgen insan de\u011filim ama, sar\u0131l\u0131p \u00f6p\u00fc\u015fmeyi \u00f6zledim mesela. Tam da k\u00f6y\u00fcmdeki, Kayseri\u2019deki, \u0130stanbul\u2019daki ayr\u0131 ayr\u0131 \u00f6p\u00fc\u015fme \u00e7e\u015fitlerini \u00f6\u011frenip adapte olmu\u015fken. K\u00f6yde s\u0131rayla sa\u011f…<\/p>\n

Devam\u0131 i\u00e7in…\u00d6zledim be karde\u015fim!<\/span><\/a><\/div>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[15],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/656"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=656"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/656\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":657,"href":"https:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/656\/revisions\/657"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=656"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=656"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=656"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}