{"id":742,"date":"2024-01-03T15:12:46","date_gmt":"2024-01-03T12:12:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/?p=742"},"modified":"2024-01-03T15:12:47","modified_gmt":"2024-01-03T12:12:47","slug":"oncesi-sonrasi","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/index.php\/2024\/01\/03\/oncesi-sonrasi\/","title":{"rendered":"\u00d6ncesi, sonras\u0131"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

May\u0131s 2023, se\u00e7imden \u00f6nceki g\u00fcn\u00fcn sabah\u0131. Bu \u00f6nemsedi\u011fim zamanda bir nebze sakinle\u015fmek i\u00e7in g\u00fcn\u00fcm\u00fc bo\u015f b\u0131rakt\u0131m, sonra al\u0131\u015f\u0131k olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m bu sakinlikte ne yapaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131 \u015fa\u015f\u0131rd\u0131m. D\u0131\u015far\u0131lar o kadar huzurlu, o kadar parlak renklerle, o kadar tatl\u0131 c\u0131v\u0131lt\u0131larla dolu ki, yukarlara do\u011fru gezinmeye \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131m\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

En bahar haller; ne de olsa may\u0131s girmi\u015f. Ger\u00e7ek g\u00f6zle bak\u0131nca, o yukarlarda, \u00e7amlar\u0131n aras\u0131nda, zeytinlerin alt\u0131nda, kar\u015f\u0131 ye\u015fil tepelerde g\u00fczellikten ba\u015fka bir \u015fey g\u00f6rm\u00fcyor, g\u00fczellikten ba\u015fka \u015fey koklam\u0131yor insan. Ama nerde kald\u0131 o ger\u00e7ek g\u00f6z?! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sonra her \u015fey ge\u00e7medi sonra her \u015fey ge\u00e7mez kolayca<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

herkes kalan\u0131yla ya\u015far kendinden geriye<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

ne b\u0131rakt\u0131ysa ne b\u0131rakt\u0131larsa ondan geriye<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Demi\u015f Haydar Erg\u00fclen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Her \u015fey bir. Her \u015fey sa\u00e7ma. Her \u015fey, hi\u00e7bir \u015fey fark etmiyor asl\u0131nda!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00d6ncesinde demi\u015ftim, \u00e7ok d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyorum bu s\u0131ralar diye. \u00c7ok isyan ediyorum, \u00e7ok kar\u015f\u0131 \u00e7\u0131k\u0131yorum, \u00e7ok bo\u015fveriyorum\u2026 Ge\u00e7en y\u0131l\u0131n ikinci yar\u0131s\u0131ndaki kendi i\u00e7 sars\u0131nt\u0131lar\u0131mdan sonra 6 \u015fubat depremleri, ard\u0131ndan Bali seyahati -olabilen ideal d\u00fcnya ile ideal olmayan, olmamay\u0131 se\u00e7en k\u0131sm\u0131n\u0131n g\u00f6zlerimin \u00f6n\u00fcnde kar\u015f\u0131la\u015fmas\u0131- beni bu noktaya getirdi san\u0131r\u0131m. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What\u2019s the point of it all?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ben \u015fiir okumay\u0131 \u00e7ok severim, severdim, Haydar Erg\u00fclen severim, k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck \u0130skender severim, Edip Cansever\u2019i y\u00fcz\u00fcnc\u00fc defa okumay\u0131 dipsiz bir zevkle severim. Neden \u015fiir okumuyorum ben? Nerde hayat?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

E\u2019nin dedi\u011fi gib, idrak ede ede bitiremedik \u015fu \u201cbir varm\u0131\u015f bir yokmu\u015f\u201d oyununu ve hala en ak\u0131ll\u0131, en bilgili, en becerikli, en akil ve makul oldu\u011fumuzu iddia ederek ayn\u0131 koku\u015fmu\u015f sistemde, onu ba\u011fr\u0131m\u0131za basarak ve hi\u00e7 yeterince sorgulamadan devam ediyoruz.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u0130htiya\u00e7, misal. Karde\u015fim bir sorsan\u0131za kendinize: Nedir ihtiya\u00e7? Yeni bir yol yap\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131nda, nerede ve ne evsafta olursa olsun, be\u015f y\u0131l i\u00e7inde kapasitesi y\u00fczde 80 kullan\u0131l\u0131r hale geliyor. Bunu biliyor muydunuz? O halde ihtiya\u00e7 ne? Kendi kendini mi yarat\u0131yor yoksa ihtiya\u00e7?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bali\u2019den sonra: D\u00fcnyan\u0131n nas\u0131l olabilece\u011fini, nas\u0131l olmas\u0131 gerekti\u011fini g\u00f6rmemden sonra. Belki bu ayn\u0131 zamanda koronadan sonra, Sin\u2019den sonra, hayat\u0131mdan ayr\u0131lan arkada\u015flardan sonra, \u00fcstlendi\u011fim y\u00fcklerin beni y\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, y\u0131kmad\u0131\u011f\u0131nda da de\u011fmedi\u011fini anlamamdan sonra. Nitekim bir kez daha, \u00e7ok ciddi olarak, \u201cBen bu an\u2019\u0131 tam olarak b\u00f6yle mi ya\u015famay\u0131 se\u00e7iyorum?\u201d sorusu her an g\u00fcndemimde.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bir de tam bug\u00fcnlerde tesad\u00fcf eseri, Bir \u0130dam Mahkumunun Son G\u00fcn\u00fc’n\u00fc okuyorum…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u0130dam mahkumunun kendine sordu\u011fu gibi, soruyorum: Yar\u0131n tam bu saatlerde, her \u015fey bamba\u015fka olabilir mi ger\u00e7ekten? Se\u00e7imin sonu\u00e7lar\u0131 ne olacak ve nas\u0131l olacak? D\u00fcnyay\u0131 i\u015fgal eden y\u00fcz binlerce cinsten sadece birinin, sadece y\u00fczde biri i\u00e7in, belki\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How trivial we are and how we carry these delusions of grandeur!<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

G\u00fcne\u015f batarken sand\u0131ktan \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131m, gerilerde bir umut k\u0131r\u0131nt\u0131s\u0131yla. Otoparkta oyna\u015fan k\u00f6pekleri g\u00f6r\u00fcnce durdum, bakt\u0131m, d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnerek: K\u00f6pekler, akasya kokular\u0131, ak\u015fam ezan\u0131 her zamanki gibiydi. Onlar i\u00e7in ne de\u011fi\u015fti? Ne de\u011fi\u015fecek? Ni\u00e7in? Kim i\u00e7in? NBC ne g\u00fczel diyor: Umut etmenin yorgunlu\u011fu\u2026 O kadar yorgunuz ki. Nas\u0131l \u00e7aba g\u00f6sterece\u011fiz de\u011fi\u015fmek i\u00e7in, iyile\u015fmek i\u00e7in? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ah evet, kafam biraz kar\u0131\u015f\u0131k bug\u00fcnlerde.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(May\u0131s 2023)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

May\u0131s 2023, se\u00e7imden \u00f6nceki g\u00fcn\u00fcn sabah\u0131. Bu \u00f6nemsedi\u011fim zamanda bir nebze sakinle\u015fmek i\u00e7in g\u00fcn\u00fcm\u00fc bo\u015f b\u0131rakt\u0131m, sonra al\u0131\u015f\u0131k olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m bu sakinlikte ne yapaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131 \u015fa\u015f\u0131rd\u0131m. D\u0131\u015far\u0131lar…<\/p>\n

Devam\u0131 i\u00e7in…\u00d6ncesi, sonras\u0131<\/span><\/a><\/div>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[15],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/742"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=742"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/742\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":743,"href":"https:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/742\/revisions\/743"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=742"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=742"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.candanturhan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=742"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}